Aurora Borealis timelapse HD from Tor Even Mathisen on Vimeo.

For me this is one of the most amazing phenomenon on earth. Aurora Borealis!

A friend posted on my wall a video of Aurora Borealis and after seeing it, I kind of instantly remembered how I adorned the northern lights. One day, I will go to places where I can view this beautiful night light display. And I will make it happen. I just hope it would be sooner!

Aurora Borealis is named after the Roman goddess of dawn, Aurora, and the Greek name for the north wind, Boreas. It is caused by the collision between electrically charged particles from the sun that enter the earth’s atmosphere. Auroras can be seen as a curtain-like structure in the night sky above the magnetic poles of the northern and southern hemispheres. Interestingly they are called ‘Aurora Borealis‘ in the north and ‘Aurora Australis‘ in the south. And, auroral displays appear commonly in pale green and pink. Although, shades of red, yellow, green, blue, and violet have been reported. Hmmm, I want to see the purple one.

The most amazing phenomenon here on earth!

I really enjoyed it. Despite the pile of delayed tasks, I happen to squeeze in little time to shot videos and pictures. It is refreshing to just forget about your programming tasks for a while and engaged yourself into conceptualizing how images and videos should be shot to fit in the story board.

I would like to give credits to the people I worked with in the 24th floor: Joseph Bueno, Stephen Rimbon, and Sarah Biblanias, and of course to the wonderful actors and actresses in CID sections. You guys are awesome! Thank you for your cooperation and for actually rocking it. Can’t wait for all of these to be compiled into a single media file.

I’m not in good terms with one of my friends and it is just sad. I know I’m partly to blame since I made an issue such a big deal. But hey, I think it was indeed a big deal. My emotions got the better of me. I guess it’s the pill I’m currently taking talking. I wasn’t able to get hold of my emotions and then boom! I burst.

Another friend told me that I should have controlled my feelings but I hate that. I mean why do I have to pretend I’m ok when I’m actually not. That’s just not right. And besides if someone is mad at me, I want them to let me know or at least show me. That way, I wouldn’t have to guess and I would know what will make that person mad.

So anyway, I wanted to ease the cold air between me and my friend. I just realized that maybe he said those words to me that time because he has no idea what I’m feeling.. that he’s being logical and all. I wrote him a letter apologizing for being indifferent and further explaining myself in a hope to patch things up. I made someone gave it to him since I chickened out. I couldn’t just approached him and hand him my letter without feeling awkward.

This was two days ago and until now I have not received a word from him yet. I didn’t know if he had read my letter or if he just threw it away. I wanted to ask him but I stopped myself. Handing that letter to him already made me feel stupid and the idea of not getting a word back feels 100 times more stupid. I told myself that I have already done my part to save our friendship and now the ball is in his hands. I could have appreciated it if he told me something like ‘Hey, got your letter but I still don’t want to talk to you‘ rather than having no words at all. Oh well, if he doesn’t want to accept my apology and really wanted to stay like this then maybe he is meant to become just a memory of my past.

When man learns to understand and control his own behavior as well as he is learning to understand and control the behavior of crop plants and domestic animals, he may be justified in believing that he has become civilized. ~Ayn Rand

I had classes yesterday and since the bus going to Taft is taking forever to arrive, I decided to take an alternate route. I rode a jeepney going to San Pedro instead of boarding in a bus in one of the terminals in Pacita. Anyway, the jeep that I entrained got a flat tire so the driver had to stop in a vulcanizing shop to have it fixed. There was a bus in the vulcanizing shop so our driver had to find a vacant spot in the very limited space. He kept going backwards and did not noticed another jeepney nearby until he hit it. It caused delay for the two drivers have to settle what just happened. Luckily the other driver decided to let it go since I think he only got a minor scratch.

And then our jeepney went on. We passed a market and several people get in the jeep. One these people is a not-so-old man, probably in his fifties. He was seated few spots from mine. The jeepney picked up its speed and suddenly I felt a something liquid hit my lip. I thought it was raining already since the weather yesterday was gloomy. I looked outside and was disgusted to find out the old man spitting. It turned out that what had just whopped on my lower lip was his spit. I really hate it when people do that, spitting, especially in a public transportation. I don’t even know if he noticed that his sputum struck me. He did not apologize.

After getting off the jeep I took a bus. I was seated at the middle. I wanted to make use of the time so I decided to read one of the case studies given to us by our professor. I’m really trying to dig the text but I can’t concentrate. The man on my back is talking to his girlfriend on his phone and everyone in the bus can hear what he was saying. His voice is ringing in my ears. I started to get irritated but still tried to nevermind him and focus on my reading. A few seconds after he got disconnected. I was relieved. I told myself “silence, finally”. But I was wrong, after a split second I heard his irritating loud voice again but this time he is not talking to his girlfriend. He was reading familiar words to me. Apparently, it turned out he was peeking on my readings and he was uttering phrases from it word by word slowly and loudly. I don’t know what is with that guy. Can’t he see that some people are trying to concentrate on something? Can’t he see that some people are sleeping? He was so disrespectful. It was a public transportation vehicle and I guess people should be mindful of their manners. They should consider other commuters.

Almost everyday we encounter people like the spitting man in the jeep and the loud guy in the bus. People who seem to don’t care. They do what they felt like doing without thinking how their actions would affect other people.

The incidents that transpired on my one-hour-thirty-minute travel time yesterday reminds me of the reminder in LRT. It advices people to be courteous (no playing inside the train, no playing of loud music, no talking and laughing loudly). I just hope that this reminder will not fall on deaf ears and apply it not just on public transportations but in every situations.

I always prided myself as a logical girl, that is head-over-feelings type of girl. I believed that I’m like that for a long time until comes the moment when my being not-emotional was put to the test.

Like the picture above I was broken. My mind was polluted with unhealthy thoughts.

January was the month when it all started. I was paranoid. I can’t concentrate. My work and school were affected and I began hating myself. Come February, it even worsened. I hated myself even more. March was no different from the past months I mentioned. I suddenly have the need to know everything. I feel I’m such a loser. I feel I’m gonna explode. I have to let it all out. So I poured everything in my journal. And in a way it helped me contain the small amount of sanity left in me.

I google on how not to be jealous.. paranoid. I googled everything but I did not agree to most of the things that I researched. The best advice I got was “feel the pain“. It was the same advice given to me by a friend. At first I was like “do you want me to die?” but as I let myself feel the hurt, as I let the emotions surge like a raging water, little by little I’m releasing the pain. Slowly I’m regaining my old self. I still get jealous once in a while but the intensity is not that great anymore like the way I felt few months ago and I do believe that in no time I’m gonna be the master of my emotions.

Cheers! ^_^

♩♬♪ Together can never be close enough for me
Feel like I am close enough to you
You wear white and I’ll wear out the words I love
And you’re beautiful
Now that the wait is over
And love and has finally shown her my way
Marry me
Today and every day
Marry me ♩♪♫

Hoping that someday, the right guy would sing this beautiful lyrics to me.. but until that day, maybe all I can do is to learn to get hold of my emotions..

I used to pride myself as the rational girl but I was wrong. I guess I’m just like any other girl after all but that’s okay. I like myself better now..

Buildings burn in Yamada town, Iwate prefecture (state) after Japan's biggest recorded earthquake hit. Photo by Associated Press

I wish I could shut this thought for I still have to finish my reaction paper on both of my subjects for this term but no matter how hard I try to focus my attention on something else, my paranoia keeps on peeking in my reverie.

I love this planet, and I don’t wanna see it like this. I’m aware of the fact that earthquakes are natural occurrences but it’s really tragic to know thousands of people died and are slowly dying. It is also sad to acknowledge that we human contributed to the destruction of our own environment. Instead of devicing a way to slow down the destruction, I think we even intensify the effect of nature’s wrath. This, I believe, is because of our selfishness and most importantly, our lack of discipline. I wish we could care more about our environment and the future generation.

Last Saturday, I went to witness the Pyromusical Competition in Mall of Asia. I admit it was very nice to see fireworks display in the night sky but upon seeing the smoke the event has created, I kind of pondered on the possible effects of this on our atmosphere. And to make things worse, a lot of food wastes were scattered everywhere. I thought we have learned from Ondoy but I guess I was wrong. I was wrong to assume that the past calamity that ravaged our country has left a meaningful message for us all to remember. People seem to forget about that already.

innocence amidst the debris

So when are we gonna really learn to take good care of our environment??

By watching this kdrama, I was inspired to write something about my perfect match ♥_♥. My perfect someone..

♥ would always hold my hand,
♥ would be my BESTFRIEND forever,
♥ is supportive,
♥ would never check other women,
♥ is a gentleman,
♥ would respect me,
♥ would cherish me,
♥ would buy me flowers but he will hold them while we are walking together and would not be ashamed of it,
♥ would love my baked goodies ^_^,
♥ is god-fearing,
♥ would kiss me in the rain,
♥ would ask me to dance with him,
♥ would dance with me in the rain,
♥ loves his mom and sisters,
♥ would take care of me when I’m sick,
♥ would give me sweet surprises,
♥ would take me to his most favorite place in the world,
♥ would make me laugh ,
♥ would give me assurance that I’m his ONLY love (It’s ok though to have crushes.),
♥ would always be open to me,
♥ would never lie to me,
♥ would never make me jealous,
♥ would comfort me if I’m feeling down,
♥ would make my heart beat faster,
♥ is a good listener,
♥ would love to go and walk in the beach with me,
♥ would never ever HURT me PHYSICALLY,
♥ would understand if I’m having mood swings,
♥ would put his arms around me,
♥ would love the weird stuff about me ,
♥ is responsible,
♥ is trustworthy,
♥ would protect me,
♥ would take care of me and would never ever NEGLECT and TAKE ADVANTAGE of me,
♥ would want me in his FUTURE,
♥ would love me FOREVER..

Whew! That was a long list. Meeting someone with all of these qualities is really impossible that is why I’m not expecting. A few of these qualities is fine with me. Anyway, I’m parking on Youtube and watched this sweet video:

The guy in this drama, Gino, is exactly my type.. ^_^ He’s tall, mysterious, rational, straight forward. He knows what he wants in life, hardworking, resourceful, knows how to cook, sweet in his own ways.

I’m so absorbed with this drama. If the girl is hurting, I can also feel the pain. When her friend and boyfriend cheated on her, I feel very upset and also hurt.

There was a scene in the drama that I made me really sad. It was when her ex-boyfriend told Julienne that the reason why he left her for other girl is because she never gave herself wholly to him. I felt really bad. I’ve been told that most guys would want that but I hope to meet someone who will tell me he love me not because he want to get into my pants. I can relate to the girl when he told his ex that her heart beats fast when he kisses her and that hearing his voice makes her feel light-headed because I’ll feel the same way.

I would want my relationship to be based on emotional attachment and not the physical one. I want our love to be pure and true. I know that it is hard to find and that I must work on it.

I’ve also been told by some of my aggressive friends that some guys are shy. They fear rejection. So it is okay if I’m the one who make the first move.. but I can’t do that. I really can’t. I’m scared too. The mere thought of it makes me nervous and my heart to race.

I want to meet someone who will compliment me like a soulmate. I’m willing to wait. I’ll be patiently waiting but please hurry up.

.. or could it be that I’ve already met you?! and I’m just too blind to see and insensitive?? I wish I could tell. I wish I could read signs but I’m no fortune teller. I’m not the type who would assume that a guy likes me if he’s being nice or sweet to me. For me, these actions are just signs of his being friendly unless he said otherwise, unless he said he likes me.

Going back to the room, I get to talk to one of the relatives of my groom. She’s wishing me luck for the big day and for the baby on the way (apparently, I was pregnant already). She’s very sweet. I like her.

I caressed my stomach. Although I can tell there’s no bump yet, I can feel there’s a life forming inside me. I was thrilled to start a new chapter of my life with him.

Then I could remember being in the church with my groom. He looks very handsome in his suit. “But isn’t he supposed to be wearing a barong?” I asked myself but nevermind, I’m happy and in love. They’re all that matter.. and then I snapped out of my dream with details of it planted vividly in my reverie..

…

Last night I got to talk to my college friend, Irish. He is one of my closest friend back then. Although eccentric and sometimes annoying, he’s fun to be with and I know he has a good side. We were talking about still being single and asked me if it sometimes depresses me. I said no and that is the truth. Of course, there are times when I would really want to have a boyfriend to do things together, to go places together, share dreams together, and all that stuff but I guess having a boyfriend is not my priority right now.

My friend don’t want to take my answer confiding that sometimes he really thought about it.. being in a relationship. I told him that’s normal but he does not have to worry, that in perfect time he’ll find his perfect match. It was nice chatting again with him. I almost miss our usual chats and kulitans back then.

After my chat with Irish and before going to bed, I say a little prayer. I asked the Lord to give me an inspiration that will really bring out the best in me. I guess I’m ready for a relationship but I hope He give me someone who will cherish me, love me, and would never ever hurt me. I prayed to Him that I guess I’m ready now to forget my current fantasies.. that this thing I’m holding is not really going anywhere. I’m ready now and more than willing to forget my feelings for him.

..

I instantly fell asleep and then when I woke up this morning I have a vivid recollection of my dream. I can’t really explain how I feel. My groom in the dream was not Irish. It was the very guy I like whom I intend to neglect my feelings for him. My first thought was: I want to forget my feeling for you but why do I have to dream about you marrying me right after praying for someone that will really inspire me??

That was really weird. I was confused, I googled about dream meanings particularly marriage. Here’s what Dreammoods‘s interpretation:

Marriage
To dream of a marriage, signifies commitment, harmony or transitions. You are undergoing an important developmental phase in your life. The dream may also represent the unification of formerly separate or opposite aspects of yourself. In particular, it is the union of masculine or feminine aspects of yourself.Consider the qualities and characteristics of the person that you are marrying. These are the qualities that you need to look at incorporating within yourself.

Nuptial
To dream of your nuptials, indicate a reaffirmation of your commitments. It is also symbolic of a transitional stage occurring in your life.

Pregnant
To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. Being pregnant in your dream may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal. Alternatively, if you are trying to get pregnant, then the dream may be a wish fulfillment. If you are not trying to get pregnant, but dream that you are, then it symbolizes fear of new responsibilities.

I also look up the meaning of wedding on the site. The result terrified me.

Wedding
To see a wedding in your dream, symbolizes a new beginning or transition in your current life. A wedding reflects your issues about commitment and independence.Alternatively, your wedding dream refers to feelings of bitterness, sorrow, or death. Such dreams are often negative and highlight some anxiety or fear. If you dream that the wedding goes wrong or ends in disaster, then it suggests that you need to address some negativity immediately. If you are getting married and have dreams of your pending wedding, then it highlights the stress of organizing a wedding. Conflicts over wedding details, tension with family and in-laws, fear of commitment, and loss of independence may all cause wedding anxiety dreams. Research has shown that up to 40% of brides and grooms have dreams about their ceremony and things going perfectly.
To dream that you are attending a wedding, consider how you feel at the wedding. If you are upset or sad, then it means that you are unhappy about the current status of your life. If you are happy, then you are embracing a new change in your life.

To dream that you are getting married to your current spouse again, represents your wedded bliss and happiness. It highlights your strong commitment to each other. It may also signify a new phase (such as parenthood, new home, etc) that you are entering in your life.

To dream that you are planning a wedding to someone you never met, is a metaphor symbolizing the union of your masculine and feminine side. It represents a transitional phase where you are seeking some sort of balance between your aggressive side and emotional side. The dream may also indicate that two previously conflicting aspects are merging together as one.

I hope the dream meant nothing. I guess I was carried away by my emotions again that I wanted to have an explanation to everything. I really hope it meant nothing.

The year 2010 is almost over. Looking back on the events that transpired during this year I can say that it has been tough.

My2010
This year I’ve set goal to start my Master’s degree and save money. At first I wondered how the heck am I gonna do that but I managed to get hold of a scholarship that took care of half of my tuition. Not bad, I told myself.

I was also able to open an account in Accord Capital to invest in stocks. At this moment, I was really worried of losing the amount I invested but I’m really trying to keep my spirits up. A friend told me that once you dwell into stocks you should forget about the money you invested. That scared me! Whew! Everything’s gonna be alright. I hope..

So I guess I was able to, in a way, accomplish my goals. Nice! Good job Sarahness.

Talking about work, I’m still assigned on one of the most difficult project, Project Management System. The thought of it brought back all the worries. I was not able to meet my deadline. I still want to finish this system. I just hope for everyone to cooperate.

My 2011
For my 2011, I’ve set the following goals:

• take my studies seriously
• be disciplined
• save. save. save

I’ve learned not to set so many goals for you may end up fulfilling nothing. The second one is gonna be a challenge for me but I want to make myself better so I will try my very best.

I do not want to hear myself mumble something like “I don’t want to go to work” or “Oh man, work again“. I want to be focused.

Happy New Year everyone!!